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I don’t need my PENS enlarged. I already have about ten of them strewn all over my desk, and if they got any bigger i’d have less space to put my stuff. Plus, I ‘live it large’ as it is, you cheesy git.

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Need some help?

No thank, life is short, but not short enough to send you heaps of my HARD earned cash to help you STIFFEN up your financial reserves. My ’stuff’ is completely fine - i’ve high blood pressure all over my body anyway, so i’m sure that extends to my nethers.

My name is Elena, I have 31 years and I live in Russian province.

I have 6-years daughter, her father abandoned us and we live with my mother. Recently my mother lost job due to old age and our situation became very difficult.

During last months prices for gas and electricity became very high in our region and we cannot use it to heat our home anymore.

The weather becoming colder each day. In the eastern part of our country it is already extreme cold (up to minus 50 Degrees Celsius). We very afraid and we don’t know what to do.

The only accessible way for us heat our home is to use portable oven which give heat with burning wood. We have many wood in our region and this oven will heat our home all winter for minimal charges.
I work in library and after my job I allowed to use computer. I finded your address in internet and may be you can help us.

We need portable wood burning oven, but we cannot buy it in our local market because it cost equivalent of 193 Euros and is very expensive for us. May be you have any portable oven which you don’t use anymore, we will be very grateful to you if you can donate its to us and organize transport of its to our address. This ovens are different, usually they made from cast-iron and weight between 100-150kg.

I hope that you will write me back.
Elena. Russia.

Eh, yeah. Fully understand your situtation. But the fact you can’t afford the leccy bill but still manage to get access to the interweb and lash out gazillions of spammy rubbish emails looking for dough for a wood burning oven makes me feel a little suspicious of you. On the other hand - if you’re hot (send a piccy of yourself) - if you’d like some REAL wood, i’d love to fill your love oven with it.